2025-08-28 00:07:00 +0100
I wanted to write something down because I’ve just had one of the happiest weekends I’ve had in recent memory. The kind of weekend you’ll get random flashes of in your mind, and you just can’t help but start smiling again, as if it’s happening to you once more.
The kind of weekend where everything goes so perfectly, you can’t help but think, “was that all just a dream?”
The kind of weekend that changes you forever, in the best possible way.
This is the weekend when I finally became the slut I always hoped I was inside.
How I got here
I can’t remember exactly when I first saw BDSM porn, but I bet it was pretty early. I do remember seeing those explicit photos of women in restraints, having sex toys used on them, dressed head to toe in latex, and just thinking, “gosh, I wonder what that must feel like”. Definitely not wanting to inflict this seeming endless pleasure on others, but being the women in seemingly pure bliss. I guess that should have been my first clue. 😅
Even though I didn’t know what “non-binary” and “ace” meant at the time, I realised I wasn’t like my classmates. I never felt romantic attraction towards anyone even though it to the people around me this was an expected part of growing up. I didn’t really fit in with either the boy’s or the girl’s cliques, even though I had plenty of friends of both genders. But when my friends talked about sex, I couldn’t really connect with them, I couldn’t imagine myself in either role. I think I tried bringing up the concept of bondage once but it was brushed off as “weird shit”.
I finished school and went to University. I told myself I’d concentrate on my studies for now, maybe romance would follow later. I went off to live and work in Japan for three years, thinking maybe I would start to develop feelings for someone, anyone. Instead, the isolation gave me the opportunity to experiment with my first toys. A small butt plug. Cheap latex gloves and hood. Flimsy restraints. My first forays into chastity and self-hypnosis.
Years turned into decades. I felt like I was in limbo. My gender? Unknown. My sexual preference? Unknown. Maybe I’d never know? I didn’t feel romantic attraction, I didn’t feel like I needed a partner, I couldn’t see myself going on dates or having sex. I was introverted, I hated going to bars or trying to make friends at parties. Even when I joined FetLife I couldn’t help but sit on the sidelines, watching as other people went to munches, events, and had play sessions together. I bought a tiger zentai suit, and uploaded a photo of myself. A tiny splash, barely a ripple, but an important first step. But I still felt at sea, unsure of who I was, or where I belonged.
A foxgirl is born
The pandemic scarred a lot of people. I was one of the lucky ones. Being solitary and introverted, I didn’t feel the lack of a social life as badly as some other people. On the contrary, it gave me plenty of time to explore some new-found feelings that had been bubbling in the years prior. Wanting to improve my self-image. Wanting to be more carefree. Looking longingly at more expressive, colourful clothing, and wondering, “why can’t I wear that?”
I started ordering stereotypically feminine clothes. Skirts, leggings, panties. I tried applying makeup. I distinctly remember one day looking into the mirror after dolling myself up, and being shocked by what I saw. I saw… someone cute. Someone beautiful. For the first time I could remember, I liked my own reflection. I started realising that with just a bit of work, I could, in fact, be happy.
I started taking photos of myself in these girly clothes and costumes. I loved seeing myself like this. And I wanted to share my joy with the world. Sure, the act of sharing anonymous photos of myself crossdressing on the internet brought me no small amount of titillation, but also joy. I’d always hidden from the camera, never liking my own image as an unkempt, unhappy, troubled mess. But now I wanted everyone to see me as I truly felt I was - liberated from the shackles of gender, from the judgmental eye of society. I felt like I had finally started defining myself.
I no longer wanted to remain in the shadows. I created new social media profiles, started reaching out to creators I’d admired from afar to tell them how much they meant to me, and discovered new friends. It’s much easier to start fresh, with a new name, new outlook on life, and new personality when you don’t have the baggage of decades of history and expectations weighing down your existing identity. At the start of all this, Rina and my “true” identity were separate and quite different. But as time has gone on, they’ve become essentially the same person. If you’ve ever interacted with me as Rina, that’s just who I am in real life nowadays, and I’m so much happier because of it!
Being an artist and creating new works yourself also makes it much easier to reach out to other fellow artists and get talking to them. I’ve been so lucky to have known so many talented people, but also curious folk on their own journey of discovery, and I’ve always been happy to share some of my experiences with them. Most of the time this turns out to be mutually beneficial! I love telling people their work speaks to me, that they’ve made a difference in my life. And I love hearing from people that I’ve inspired them to go on the same journey it took me years to start on.
One such person I got chatting to is Xantw0 - maker, drone, and genuinely lovely person. We were both pretty new on the fetish scene, we were both pretty apprehensive about turning our fantasies into reality, and we were still both figuring our own identities out. We chatted, decided to meet up in real life, and I had an absolutely lovely day out with him, walking, talking, and just exchanging life stories. We quickly became friends!
One of my most frequent complaints at the time was that even though I was exploring, trying out and enjoying all these fetishes I had only ever experienced vicariously through other people’s photos, I was still only doing things on my own. As much as I loved latex, I wanted to feel someone else’s hands on my rubber skin. As much as I loved chastity and bondage, I wanted to be at the whims of a caring owner. As much as I loved acting like a girl on camera, I wanted to feel like a girl in bed. And Xantw0 was so enormously generous to offer to help turn both our dreams into reality.
The wheels start turning
We decided to meet up for a day together over a weekend I’d booked in Paris. But I’d always been the worrying, nervous sort. Thinking “what if something goes wrong?” or “what if the thing I’ve been dreaming about, lusting over, masturbating to for all this time doesn’t actually do anything for me?”
Because that is a real worry - porn is mostly fiction, a staged reality. Real life is messier, less predictable, grounded in physics, chemistry, and biology that can’t just be edited away with a few keystrokes. But the only way to find out is to actually try it. And throughout this process I had to keep reminding myself that there’s nothing inherently special about a fetish scene. It’s an extended roleplay session with a friend. A bit like a board game night - try out a few games, see which ones we both enjoy, and if it sucks, we can just stop and do something else. No expectations. Just a fun time in good company.
So when I compiled my list of fetishes, I made sure to note the ones I knew I already liked, the ones I was interested in trying but was a little apprehensive about, and the ones that might be too much for my first time, but that I was nonetheless interested in trying at some point in the future. Start off easy, slowly build up skills and confidence, then move on to the harder scenarios that might offer stronger emotions. We decided that I would call him “Master”, and he would call me “pet”. I compiled a spreadsheet of all the toys and costumes I owned and featured in my photo albums for easy reference.
Master’s commands were clear. I was to remain in chastity for the week leading up to our day together, I was to provide him with frequent emotional updates and photographic proof, and I was to pack a variety of toys which may or may not be used on me. I bit my lip. I re-read his message. The thought “what have I got myself into” crossed my mind as I could feel my heart thumping. This was actually happening!
The first few days of chastity were absolutely fine. I felt calm, relaxed, happy in the knowledge that Master was looking over me and keeping me safe. But libido can change quickly. The next few days I felt an itch growing. As if my muscles were imperceptibly vibrating, creating a sense of unrest, anticipation. Often I would be working as normal, then suddenly feel a wet spot in my panties, out of nowhere. Master seemed delighted by how flustered I felt not being able to control myself, which only helped to make me feel even more desperate. As I packed my suitcase, I kept thinking back to Master’s instructions. To what he told me to bring. And to what he specifically omitted from the list, hinting that he would be supplying something of his own. My mind raced with possibilities. But I needed to keep my expectations low. Better to long for more than be disappointed!
Saturday 23 August 2005, Paris
I woke up in my hotel room feeling calm and relaxed. Maybe a few years ago I would have been a nervous wreck, having been unable to sleep, crippled by my IBS. But since starting HRT I’ve really mellowed out, I just feel so much more comfortable in my skin. One of the many positive effects of those magical hormones! I showered, made myself up (breaking out the eyeshadow for this special occasion), and headed down to breakfast. Just as I finished, Master messaged - he was almost there. I headed to the lobby, and there he was. I hugged him hard, genuinely happy to see my friend! We headed upstairs briefly so he could dump his bag and exchange a couple of gifts. But before we headed out for the day, his tone of voice shifted. From my friend to my Master. He positioned me in front of the mirror, and instructed me to close my eyes. I obeyed. I could hear clinking as he got something from my bag - no doubt my collar, as I had been told to bring. But then there was more clinking, as he got something from his bag too. My heart picked up speed. This is what he said he’d be bringing! I felt the leather around my neck. As he pulled it tight, he asked if it was too restrictive or too loose. He found the perfect hole and looped it shut. Then I felt something on the D-ring under my chin.
“Open your eyes.”
A padlock! With Master’s distinctive blue and red X0 logo! And it’s hanging from my neck! I gasped. Master snapped the lock shut. I belonged to him now. And everyone we cross on the street will see it! I smiled. I covered my mouth in disbelief. I… I felt so happy. I was lost for words. I was just collared by Master! He owns me! And I felt so proud to be his, so overjoyed by the fact I was wearing a symbol of his ownership in public. When I wrote down “being forced to wear something particular in public” on my list of fetishes, I was worried it might be too much for me at first, that I’d be so worried about what people thought, that I’d be constantly scanning people’s faces, looking for an expression of contempt or disgust. But instead what I felt was absolute elation. Not only did I just not care about what people might think about a padlock on a pet collar around my neck, but I was proud of it.
We had an absolutely wonderful day in Paris. We spent several hours at an interactive art exhibit, marvelling at how a simple installation coupled with judicious use of light and shade could provoke such strong emotions. We walked slowly along the canal, enjoying the warm sun, fresh air, and lively atmosphere. We sat down at a café next to the canal, had a leisurely lunch, chatted about what was new in each other’s lives. We walked through my favourite park in all of Paris, exploring the nearby quaint neighbourhood on the hill overlooking the rest of the city. We walked down to another park and sat down on a bench.
He invited me to rest my head on his shoulders. He started running his fingers through my hair, gently petting my head. My muscles gave way almost immediately, relaxing and submitting to the safety of his arms. “Good girl”. The magic phrase that turns me to butter. He tugged on my collar, reminding me that his padlock had been on it and visible to everyone all this time. “Who do you belong to, pet?” he asked. “I belong to you, Master” was my whispered answer.
I was lost in his embrace for what felt like quite a while. When I finally came to, I couldn’t help but laugh. He had barely needed to touch my hair and I was instantly under his spell. I had never felt this relaxed and at ease in someone else’s company. How could I be this happy? I had just had the best day ever and I felt so lucky to be right here, with him. It was ridiculous and completely natural at the same time. And the best was yet to come!
As late afternoon started to become evening, we returned to my hotel room. While I prepared myself in the bathroom, Master inspected what I had brought and laid everything he wanted me to change into on the bed. This is what he wanted me to wear: orange knee-high latex toe socks, peek-a-boo panties and bra, orange paw gloves, a black latex hood, and my orange fox headband. He explained he wanted me to be his pet fox. I said that I understood his instructions, and he entered the bathroom with his own change of clothes, and closed the door.
This is happening, fuck this is happening right now! I got a hold of my nerves and started following Master’s instructions, determined to be the prettiest foxgirl I could be for him. First the latex toe socks, pre-lubed and shined by my thoughtful Master. Then the peek-a-boo panties, making sure to fit them around my chastity cage, still locked. I had a little difficulty with the bra since it was a while since I’d previously worn it. My breasts had definitely grown since then, and the clasp at the back was still a little fiddly. I slid the latex mask over my face, trying hard not to ruin my eye makeup too much. As I zipped up the mask, it tightened around my face, a familiar sensation, one I’d missed for such a long time. The smell of the latex, the tightness… it overwhelmed my senses for just a second, my brain glitching for the briefest of moments.
At that moment the bathroom door flung open, my mind fully alert. In the doorway… stood my Master. Oh my god. On his feet, grey latex toe socks. On his body, a black latex catsuit. On his hands, grey latex gloves. On his face, his signature gas mask, one lens with a blue border, the other red. “Oh my god”, I said aloud, this time. “Are you ready, my pet?” he asked. “A… almost,” I stammered. He helped me get my paws on, before putting the fox ear headband on my head and stepping back to admire his pet. “One last thing,” he said, as he went back to the table. I looked over as I recognised the bell that usually belongs on my collar. He returned to me, clipping the bell on. What I hadn’t noticed was that in his other hand was a leash. His leash. He clipped his leash onto my collar and gave it a strong tug. Any resistance, any doubt I may have had vanished in an instant. I was his, and I knew it. I let out a moan of submission. I couldn’t see him, but I could tell my Master was smiling in his mask.
Master led me off the bed, making me kneel in front of him. He handed me his latex polishing cloth, and pointed to the bottle of silicon lube on the floor. The instructions were clear. I picked up the bottle, sprayed some lube onto the cloth, and started massaging it onto my Master’s shiny skin. I rubbed over his chest. I rubbed over his hips. I rubbed over his belly. There was one part of Master’s body I was yearning to rub but I didn’t know if I had permission to do so yet. I glanced at it. I looked up at his blank drone mask as he pet me on the head, indicating I was doing a good job. “Good girl!” I sprayed some more lube. I rubbed over his legs. I rubbed over his feet. I started returning back up his legs. I glanced at it again. I started rubbing his crotch with the polishing cloth. Oh my god this is the first time I’ve ever touched a cock. My breathing must have changed because he could immediately tell my heart was racing. He placed his hand on my head again. I momentarily froze, resting my head on his throbbing crotch as he continued petting me and I caught my breath.
My brain was less and less capable of rational thought at this point, my internal monologue rapidly switching between “oh my god oh my god” and random, nonsensical syllables. Subspace was rapidly approaching and Master knew exactly how to turn my mind to soup once and for all. He laid down on the bed, and had me kneel at the furthest end. At his feet. At his latex clad feet. “Are you a good pet?” he asked. “Yes Master,” my meek reply. “You know what I’m gonna ask you to do?” he whispered. “Yes Master”. A strong tug on the leash and my vision was filled with his shiny latex toes. That was it. Any control I could say I had before was relinquished to my base instincts as my brain shut off for good and I automatically started doing the only thing I could possibly do in this situation - worship my Master’s feet. I kissed them. I licked along his soles. I sucked on each individual toe, swirling my tongue around every delicious bean. This was an outpouring of love, proof of my submission, and a demonstration that my only purpose at this moment, was to bring my Master the pleasure he deserved. He pressed my empty head in between his two shiny feet. Once again my muscles failed me, relaxing in total submission. Only my tongue was still searching for Master’s latex skin. “Good girl!”
Master’s leash once again snapped me to attention, pulling me onto the bed, my face next to Master’s latex bulge. It seemed my tongue had not yet finished its job. Without thinking or hesitating, I started running my tongue up and down the outline of Master’s cock. What am I doing!? I kissed it through the latex of his catsuit. Holy shit holy shit holy shit! I circled my tongue around the head. Oh my god I need more I want more what am I doing what is happening to me!? My weak little brain tried to rationalise what my body was doing without its say-so or permission but it was far too late. My body belonged to Master now, and lust was firmly in control. Master grabbed my head and pushed it onto his crotch. “Can you feel that?” - his rubber cock pulsating against my rubber cheek. “You’re doing that.” A sudden wave of joy and accomplishment. I’m making Master feel good! “You’re doing very good… such a good little fox pet!” I let out a contented sigh. Validation, glorious validation. Then came the word I knew was coming ever since I’d demonstrated I had no inhibitions anymore. “Such a good little slut… aren’t you?” There was no way in hell I could deny it now. I’m totally a slut!
Master’s gloved hand reached down to his crotch zipper. I tried following it but with his other hand he pushed his latex fingers into my mouth, keeping my gaze locked onto his. Instinctively I started gently sucking his fingers, wrapping my lips around them as he penetrated my mouth, in and out, in and out. When he stopped moving them, I swirled my tongue around them, hungry for more. It didn’t take long for me to get my wish. He pulled his thumb out of my moist lips, dripping in drool I was no longer capable of holding back. I looked down and saw Master’s cock for the first time. I’ve never seen one before! He moistened the tip with my own drool and indicated where I should start. I went in for a light kiss on his tip, then another. I looked up at him for approval. “Good girl, you’re such a good girl!” I started tracing his cock with my tongue, from base to tip. Long, wet strokes. It twitched a little. “See? Master’s reacting to you! Very good job!”
The constant validation and reassurance, the fact that I felt so safe and protected, my years-long dreams becoming true before my very eyes, all combined in my poor little brain. I was falling deeper and deeper into subspace. I needed to worship Master’s cock, bring him more pleasure, show him I was completely under his control, a zonked-out slut with cock for brains who only existed to service her Master. “You see yourself?” Master brought down his phone to my eye level. It must have been recording video all this time because on the screen I saw a slut wearing a black latex hood and cute fox ears lapping at a delicious-looking cock. Who IS she? “This is you”! That’s… me? “Look at you… you’re my good girl, and I’m very proud of you”! I couldn’t help but start beaming, and the slut on Master’s phone also started smiling. “Just let yourself go…” As my eyes glazed over even more, he knew I was ready.
Master’s penis stood erect in his hand in front of me. With a thumb in my mouth, he asked, “You want it?”
“Yesh pleash Mashter…”
“You want it really?”
“Yes please Master…”
“What do you want?”
Almost trembling with anticipation, I replied, “I want your cock, Master!”
“Good girl…”
I couldn’t hold back any longer. Master’s permission was the final nail in the coffin of my innocence. As I brought my drool-soaked lips over the tip of Master’s cock, his hand guided the back of my head into a steady rhythm. Down… and up. Down and up. I had read guides and watched videos on how to give good head. Keep eye contact, use your lips to keep your teeth away, use your tongue, don’t forget the balls… all these tips were swirling around my head in a maelstrom of bliss. I’m a cocksucker! I was enjoying the sensation of running my tongue over this warm, slightly squishy body part. This feels so good… I love it… I actually love it! I tried taking his cock slightly deeper with each stroke, seeing how far I could push my throat. In and out, a steady rhythm, as my tongue played with his head. Perhaps unsurprisingly for a beginner, my throat wasn’t quite as trained as I’d hoped and I had to surface for air. “You’re trying to take it all, like a good slut!” I giggled, so proud of how far I’d got on my very first time. Proud of what I was doing, and proud of how positively Master was reacting to me. “You like it that much!?” Of course I do Master! But no words were able to come out of my mouth as it was already busy continuing my worship. My hands, previously guiding his cock into my mouth, slipped off and dangled uselessly as Master took control, thrusting himself into my hole as I continued to suck and swirl. He pulled out with a pop and quickly filled the empty space in my greedy hole with his fingers, so I still had something to suck on.
Master was satisfied. He had successfully turned his cute pet fox into his horny cock-sucking slut. I had come so far for my first time, and it was now my turn for some attention. I was already swimming in pleasure, obeying Master and worshipping his feet and cock were more than enough for me, but he wanted to see some proof. “I told you before we started that good girls get rewarded, and you have been a very good girl.” He went to his bag, bringing out another surprise item. His MSA Millennium gas mask. Sleek, tinted black, his signature coloured logos over the ports, the perfect mask for converting any willing subject into a mindless pleasure drone. As I slipped the mask on, my vision darkened from a mixture of the tinted lens and my brain shutting down even further. Master made me lie down on the bed, where he had been until a few moments ago, my head resting on a pillow, an unrestricted view of my orange latex feet, and Master standing in front of them. Almost a perfect reversal of what had happened some time ago. How long? I had no idea. Maybe an hour, maybe two. Maybe just a few minutes? I had no way of knowing and absolutely no intention of finding out. I was lost in the moment, about to receive my reward for my service.
Master took a step forward, gently lifting my feet to surround his crotch. I wiggled my toes, caressing him, the distinct snap and crinkle of latex on latex filling the room. I’d love to give you a footjob some day, Master… But he had other plans this time. He kneeled, bringing his now unmasked face in front of my feet. Now it was his turn to make me shiny. Gently caressing my sensitive feet with the polishing cloth, making sure each little toe was a gleaming bean, just as I had done earlier. My feet now shining in the low evening sun streaming in through the window, Master began to tease my toes with the lightest of licks. I felt like a lightning bolt had just shot up my spine. Ohhhhhhh godddddddddd! An immediate wave of uncontrollable pleasure took over me, the whimper of a wild animal emanating from my masked face. How can this feel so good? How is he doing this to me? He could tell this was my weak point and wasn’t going to give me what I wanted so easily.
“Do you want something in my mouth?”
“…s …ease”
“How do we ask?”
“…ease Ma…”
“You want this? You’ve been a good girl? Beg for me.”
“Please Master…”
“Louder.”
“Please suck my toes Master…”
Master wrapped his lips around my big toe and sucked, hard. Disappearing completely into his mouth then coming out again. “O– Ohh– Ohhhhhhhh!” My cries of pleasure, almost whimpers, coming out like hiccups, unable to cope with the pleasure I was feeling, unable to comprehend how I was feeling so good. He sucked my big toe again, waiting for me to whimper out something resembling begging for more. He gave each of my toes some attention, before running his tongue across all of them, and working on the other foot. He ran his tongue along the length of my arch, provoking another surge of inexplicable pleasure and uncontrollable moaning. My capability to form coherent words rapidly fading as Master pressed his face into my soles, licking all the while, massaging my toes, asking if I was enjoying myself and getting nothing but unconnected syllables in between irregular sharp intakes of breath in response.
“I’m not done with you yet.” Master rose up and approached me, sitting on the bed and bringing his face close to mine, able to see my glazed eyes through the tinted lens of the gas mask. His face disappeared from my vision as his tongue found its way to my erect nipples. A lick, a suck, and a swirl were enough to elicit yet more moans. “Do you like that? Do you want more?” Whimpers resembling a “yes” escaped my lips as he continued kissing my little breasts.
All this time I had remained faithfully in chastity, not daring to touch what he had called his property. But Master had now decided I had done my duty, and turned the key in the little lock, lifting the metal cage free from my virgin clit. “Ohhhh holy shit! Look at that! You’re leaking like crazy!” All that pent-up excitement and anticipation had only one way of manifesting, and for me that was a lake of clear fluid around my now-free clit. “Look at that! This is all yours!” He pooled around his fingers in my mess, raising them to show me before smearing it all around my nipples, circling around my areolae and provoking yet more jolts of pleasure and moaning.
The last few minutes are a blur, a hazy collage of momentary instances in time. Master sucking on his property and making me beg for him to continue, louder and louder. Me apologising for not being able to stop leaking. Master kissing me on my neck, then my nipples. Master getting on top of me, rubbing his cock against my little clitty, sandwiching his vibrator between them. Him taking off my mask so he could see my face as I squirmed in pleasure. Being so used to delicate, sensual sensations, the vibrator felt good but I was unable to climax the way Master wanted. But he knew how to manipulate his pet. He handed me the vibrator, returned to the foot of the bed, and once again starting sucking on my toes. That was it and he knew it. Shivering uncontrollably, moaning, almost crying from pleasure, I buzzed my clit in just the right spot, letting the pleasure from my entire body meld and take over my entire being. With the last bit of conscious thought left in my brain, I formed the words, “please may I cum, Master?” And with the response “cum for me now, my slut”, my world exploded into the most beautiful multi-sensory fireworks show I’ve ever experiences, my voice trailing into high-pitched squeals interrupted only by my gasps for air, warmth and a bright orange glow rippling through my exhausted body.
Master cuddled up beside me, my head cradled in his arms, whispering validation and encouragement into my ears as I slowly bubbled back up to consciousness. Feeling so lucky and so incredibly overjoyed to have shared in this unbelievable experience, but also feeling an overwhelming sense of pride and accomplishment for actually having performed so well and for having had the guts to actually go through with what I had been dreaming about trying for so long. There was no doubt left in my mind now. I love this! I can’t wait to try more!
I owe so much gratitude to Xantw0, of course. But over the past five years many other people who crossed my path also helped shape my current reality. Many of you will be reading this right now, others I unfortunately lost touch with over the years. But you’re all so important. You’ve all inspired me to push my limits, to pursue my interests, to actually do what I previously only dreamed of. The road is by no means at an end yet - I’m still only at the start! There’s so much I still want try, need to try. But I’m so glad that I’m no longer a spectator, looking into this wonderful world from the window. No - you see that rubber fox drone over there? The one ravenously sucking on her Master’s cock? That slut? That’s me. And I couldn’t be happier. 🥰
2025-06-12 16:00:00 +0100
It’s been a while since I wrote an update, huh? I hope you’re doing well, wherever you may be, and despite… everything going on in the world.
It’s been a mixed bag for me so far this year. On the positive side, I started HRT and am feeling great! Laser hair removal progress is slow but steady! And… I had my first real-life kink experience being Xantw0’s cute little pet! 🥰
I feel so much more confident just being my authentic self now. I still haven’t tried going to kink events but I’m pretty happy with my progress so far. Still a lot of work to do but I’m in a good place, I think!
On the negative side, last year felt like a complete wash, with all my energy taken up by a failed international move, then a successful but tiring local move. At the start of the year I lost my best friend. It’s been a tiring, emotional, and stressful few months.
Of course I’m so happy and grateful to be on HRT, but at this early stage in my treatment, it also means it’s sapping my energy and libido. During the move I also seem to have lost my tripod, so I haven’t taken any new photos in a year, and I feel REALLY bad about that.
At the same time, I can’t promise I will start taking new photos any time soon, so all I can say to that is please look forward to my future work, whenever that will be. I hope you’ll continue following me on my social accounts where I make frequent life updates, as well as posting my existing photos and videos.
Having said that, I’m going on holiday for a month! My first “real” holiday since the pandemic lockdowns and I really hope this recharges my batteries a bit. So for now, take care and much love! 💖
2023-12-31 16:19:00 +0000
2020: 21 new albums/videos.
2021: 24 new albums/videos.
2022: 25 new albums/videos.
2023: 7 new albums/videos.
I think it’s safe to say my creative output this year has been… “lacking”. I used to try an make sure I always had enough material in reserve to consistently publish new stuff every couple of weeks, but that obviously hasn’t been happening for a little while. I just wanted to write down some thoughts that I hope will serve as both an apology and a positive look to the future.
So first things first: no, nothing’s wrong. I haven’t decided to ditch this hobby of mine! Things are going as OK as they can be in the UK in 2023. I haven’t been ill, but I have noticed a distinct lack of energy for most of my creative outlets. I work from home full time and even though I much prefer this to commuting to an office, it can mean that once I’ve finished a full day’s work sitting at my work computer, I then don’t really feel like opening my personal laptop and doing anything more taxing than watching YouTube.
It looks like I might be stuck in a bit of a routine, and I guess I need to try and change things up a little. I do have a plan for this, but it’s gonna be painful. Without going into too much detail, I still have plans to move soon, and although I think it’s gonna sap my energy for the foreseeable, I will come out at the other end in a better place.
So what have I been doing all this time? To be blunt: working on myself. When I first started publishing my photos online, I was still exploring my identity, playing around and figuring out what felt right for me. I think I’m now in a place where I can happily say I’ve worked out most of that, and I’m taking steps towards realising that “ideal me”! Even though I’ve not been sharing much about my “real life”, that’s where I’ve been putting most of my energy this year, so I apologise that I’ve not had much extra resources to work on my fetish side.
I still have plenty of ideas for things I want to do and share with you, but apart from lack of energy, I’ve also had to deal with issues with my home and issues with scheduling. I’m still a little chubbier than I’d like, and that certainly makes me not want to take certain photos. But following the worst parts of the pandemic, I am now going out regularly, trying to exercise more and watch my diet. But because I’m now going outdoors more regularly, that also means I have fewer chances to do big photoshoots at home.
And I’ll be honest here - some of the past photoshoots I did in full latex, where I spent several hours struggling with putting all the gear on, then setting up the camera and lighting, posing, taking shots, checking to see if everything’s ok, remembering to hydrate before fainting from heat exhaustion… doing all that on your own is VERY tiring. And I’m not getting any younger. 😿
Another thing to mention is the “death” of social media. Earlier in the year I deleted my Reddit account, then Twitter, and removed my photos from a couple of the sketchier porn sites too. I’ve replaced those social media accounts with Mastodon and Telegram, where I have a much more modest follower base. Not that I was ever popular on Twitter by any means, but being less visible also means I’m spending less time on social media and therefore also don’t really have the drive to constantly post new work in the vain hope of “going viral”. I miss interacting with a lot of people I left behind on Twitter but on balance it was the right move for my mental health.
Hopefully this is a pretty good recap of what’s been going in my life. Basically - I’ve been concentrating on my personal life, getting myself to a place where I’m happy with my enby self. And that does mean I’ve been neglecting my kinky side. But I really hope you’ll stick with me, and look out for my new photos and videos when I do eventually post them!
So until then - happy new year, and here’s to a great 2024 for everyone! 💖
2023-09-05 23:02:00 +0100
Heya! 🦊
I thought it was finally time to have a more permanent presence on the internet, what with the volatility of certain big platforms and social media sites. You never know when all your work can suddenly disappear… unless you run your own website, of course!
So, here’s my website! It will contain links to all my work, as well as all my other social media sites. You can use the RSS links in the footer to be updated when I upload new photos or videos.
At the moment I’m using a template I liked, modified to suit my needs, but I realise it’s a little dated and could be better. I’ll think about making a brand new design all by myself at some point, but for now it’ll do!
For the time being, I’m also not hosting full albums or videos on this site. I need to judge how much bandwidth I’ll be using, and I also want to improve the age gating before offering the full albums here. It’s much simpler and safer to offload that responsibility to bigger porn sites for now.
So yeah, it’s fairly barebones at the moment but I’ll be working on it going forward. For now I hope you find it useful and enjoyable!
2020-10-06 16:00:00 +0100
That moment when I click the lock shut and I suddenly feel so confident, so safe, so secure.
That moment sitting down to pee, being fully aware how little I can even pretend to act like a man.
That moment in the street, passing a real man and biting my lip, wondering if he could tell what was under my panties just as obviously as I could tell what was under his boxers.
That moment watching sissy hypno, feeling my clitty struggle against the cold steel cage, trying to get stiff, pressing against its prison, then suddenly giving up, becoming limp, understanding that it no longer serves any purpose.
That moment after a gooning session, playing with my nipples, toying with my pussy, when I stand up and feel a single drop of pre-cum oozing its way out of my clitty.
That moment in bed, after desperately humping my pillow for what felt like an hour, unable to cum but hugging my plushies, still feeling wonderfully soft, feminine, and strangely satisfied.
That moment. That’s why I love being in chastity so much. 💖🔐💖